12 dpo and :((

I'm on my 12 dpo and still having this spotting. But I must admit now, this is not really just an implantation bleeding but sadly speaking, my AF. kakalungkot. It's very light in my first few days but now its dark red, though it's still not that heavy as in "sobrang konti lang". We didn't make it this cycle and i'm losing my hope, he's about to board the ship on the first day of Feb, and leaving me again empty "wombed" (dont know if theres a word as wombed, but supposedly empty handed.heheh) Haaayyy I'm going to spend my 12 months of waiting again missing him soo much.

I'm giving up my last hope as of today. Argh. Hate it, another loser's month again.